Bullpen Therapy

did you ever do something so completely out of your natural character that your actions even surprise yourself more than others? probably.....but did you ever have to go to jail for it? i stepped so far out of my zone that i had to pay the ultimate price.....well maybe not the ultimate price b/c i'm still alive but jail is just as good as being dead if your in that bitch too long. i just spent a weekend being transported from cell to cell in central bookings, to being transported to rikers island itself.

i had more than enough time to dwell on what got me there, and ample time to pray that i get out and never go back again. the fucking bullpen. as horrible as it was, i must honestly say, if you make the best of your time there it can be equally therapeutic.in that wack ass cell i slept on floors and benches with the worst of the worst. shooters, bums, drug fiends, roaches, pimps, dealers, piss, shit & vomit. in that time all i could imagine is the direction my life is turning in, and how i can deter from this path, back on to the one that everyone KNOWS i belong on; the straight and narrow one.

right now the worst thing that could possibly happen to a human being is happening to me. i'm waiting for someone else to dictate what THEY are going to do with MY life. my court date is thursday august 14th 2008. it is then and only then will i really know whats going to happen to me for the next few years. hopefully i don't ever have to go back to the bullpen; EVER, and the NEW plan that i have for MYSELF can roll into play. until then the only thing there is to do now is wait.

my very good friend justin bryan, was once an atheist and is not one anymore. he told me he believes God is time; the only thing that was always here for sure, and the only thing that will for sure remain....no matter what. if i were to take on his beliefs, or hold on to my own, either way i pray, that time/God is working in my favor and i will make the best of it that i possibly can.

never stray from what you HAVE planned for yourself.
never let go of what you believe in.
never put yourself in a situation that you haven't thought & planned out COMPLETELY.
and i pray that you NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER go to prison. no one is built for it and no one should ever have to experience this form of therapeutic experience.

-C!
oh & P.S: pray for me & don't ask me what i been in for.
......deadass.